Thoughts
by Abbykaye
Summary: A few random entries of previous stories! These get you thinking about love, life, and more. Please review with feedback and I'll be sure to get back to you.


Hi guys this is just an entry of all my favorite parts of my stories! To be honest I have no reason to keep writing these if I don't get feedback:( So one of these is actually the whole story but I just did some revision. If you like any of them and would like me to start over and continue I would be happy to do so. Just please let me know:)

* * *

 **Was it, or is it Love?**

He wants to know why I won't cry. He'll push me into a corner and say stuff I know he doesn't mean. But why? Why would he go through so much trouble just to know why? It's because he's been hurt, betrayed, bullied, teased, and is lonely. He's been hurt to the point he didn't care, but I did.

He left then came back. Yet when he did come back he was different. His body was not weak and frail as it used to be, in fact of anything he was now lean and strong. His personality was teasing, not in a fun, and flirtatious way, but in a rude and uncaring way. His once goofy and cute smile, was turned into a smirk. But of all things what scared me the most was his eyes. What once used to be full of playfulness and laughter, is now glazed over with a devious and deadly aura.

My best friend is what he was. Yes, it's true that he was weak or so I thought. We could talk, open up to each other, even share our deepest secrets. However when he came back, he wasn't open, and innocent like he once was. He was cold, and quite annoying if I say so myself. He was certainly not my Laxus, he is now simply Laxus. Someone who doesn't care for me, someone I don't want to care for. Someone I wish would simply go away.

* * *

 **A Lying Truth**

It was truly a story unlike any other, her eyes that were bright like the sun but was sadly filled with unfeignedly deep sorrow and remorse for something unknown to none but herself. Sometimes if your lucky enough to get close you'l catch a glimpse at this deplorable, unsightly sensation that will promptly show but only to build another wall to keep it hidden behind the twinkling, lying abyss that will trance you into a slobbering lunatic in seconds.

However, it's almost comical that almost nobody knows what it feels like. The feeling that can get you hyped up to the point of no control-but what to do, what to do? When this amazingly, almost seemingly perfect girl is not one you can approach so casually. In fact it's almost impossible when this oh so casual girl happens to be the school's own personal laughing stock. What's even worse is that at some point you didn't even know she existed. It was just some girl that you heard of but never saw. Just some stranger that people made rumors about just to keep conversation going. Just some small artifact that people saw as pointless. It was all a joke to people, nothing too strange about that right? It's all a game no need to make a big deal out of it. Little does the world know that this joke is something so much bigger it's like that crack in the ground that slowly becomes larger, until people become angry at it for tripping them, blaming it for ruining their day, kicking it around until it becomes this giant hole in the ground that people walk around until one day someone comes in and fills it up. The question though isn't, "How long can I keep this ground up without it crashing on me?" It's, "How long can I wait till someone lifts it off and gives me a break."

This is the part where they remember bullying is bad.

This is the part where someone notices her as a beautiful rose going against wind, where the thorns scratch against the house in a frenzying anguish as an attempt to release the passion that it was truly made for. Where somehow in the undertake of this relinquishing event, the rose begins to be beaten and torn for the beautiful protection that it was once given is now dull and worn away. But, don't you remember? This is the cliche love story on how she was brought from the wild beasts and raging storms onto the sunny garden of eden.

This is the love story on how she will never be betrayed, never forgotten, never hurt, never uncared for ever again. But, don't you also remember that fairy tales arn't real, they're just a cruel joke that humans created to give there child fantasies on how beautiful life will become.

How we will all die with a smile on our face.

How we will all die with that last final breath and hear the simple fragile words, 'I love you.'

How all of our lives will end as a life story that will never leave history's clutches, and how our grandchildren will read about us from time to time, and remember the grand adventures that we journeyed on.

How we met the love of our lives that continued to love them forever and ever, where they had many children and continued to live their grand lives as princesses and princes until death do them part.

How we will all happen to die at that same point as the person we love dearest, so we won't have to face the cold embrace of death.

But don't we all know by now, that not everyone has such a lovely death.

* * *

 **I'm Giving Up On You(whole story)(tear jerker)**

The rhythmic beating in her chest never ceased to rest.

Her heart yearned for the warmth of his arms, the feeling of his breath, against the nape of her neck, as he spoke with her as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Say something I'm giving up on you,

I'll be the one, if you want me to.

Anywhere, I would've followed you,

Say something I'm giving up on you."

She stopped at the edge of the cliff, looking down into the cold rushing waters as she breathed short rugged breaths. Sitting down she brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.

The pounding, pounding in her chest continued on, remembering his sweet loving words every time she was hurt. Remembering his caring eyes every time she talked with him. She remembered his ready embracing arms every time she was brought to her knees. She remembered remembering the feeling of safety when she she was around him. She remembered too damn much.

"And I am feeling so small,

It was over my head.

I know nothing at all."

Crying into her arms she felt her heart finally begin to crumble to pieces, from the months of trying to stay strong, she was broken, at last brought down into a cold frenzying despair.

 _'You wanna join Fairy Tail right?' Lucy takes his outstretched hand with a smile. 'Then come with me!'_

 _"_ And I will stumble and fall

I'm still learning to love

Just starting to crawl"

She remembered the warmth in her stomach that she would get every time she looked at him. How when she felt like she was safe even in the greatest of danger.

 _No matter what happened she knew that Natsu would save her from Gajeel. That as she fell from the castle her prince in shining armor would be there to catch her._

"Say something, I'm giving up on you

And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere I would've followed you

Say something, I'm giving up on you."

She knew that it was as if he was her home and that she could only feel comfortable with him. It was like she was a hermit and he was her shell. They did everything together and she used to think what if by some crazy chance, what if he died. What would happen? Could she handle it? Could she bear the thought of him dying? It's too bad that the whole time she was asking the wrong question.

"And I..." She chokes on her words staring out into the setting sun. The light of the day was fading and she knew it would be minutes before it left and all she would be able to see is the darkness, the beautiful darkness that would have thousands of twinkling lights, but then that would fade and the light would come back, and this would happen for days upon pointless days, weeks upon pointless weeks, to years upon forgotten years that faded just as the good times faded. And in the end nothing would change, everyone would hate her, despise her, they would never forgive her. It was all an accident. But everyone forgot that that was an excuse.

"And I will swallow my pride," her breathing becoming shallower with each sad forthcoming breath.

 _She never really thought about Natsu hating her, him hating her with all his heart and soul. Why? Why of all her stupid senerios plans had she never thought of preparing herself for that. I guess it was so unexpected she could've never guessed what would've happened. She felt terrible about it but it was something she couldn't have helped._

 _But she apoligized, she kneeled on the floor and she begged for mercy. She would've thought it was enough but it wasn't._

"You're the one that I love and I'm saying goodbye."

 _"I said I'm sorry! But right now what you're doing just isn't right." Lucy waves goodbye and she sets out of the guild doors tailless._

"Say something I'm giving up on you

I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

And anywhere I would've followed you

Say something I'm giving up on you."

She scoots herself closer to the edge.

"I'm still learning to love

just starting to crawl."

Her hands reach beside her as she throws her legs off the side.

Choking her last breath, "Say something." As she cries she pushes herself off the cliff.

"I'm giving up on you."

* * *

Warm hands engulf hers and all she can think is of the rushing waters below her

"Lucy," his breath sent shivers down her back, but she felt nothing else, numb to her body. There she was seconds away from death, and then something happened she was pulled up.

"Look at me Lucy! Lucy look at me," but she couldn't see anything, tears were flooding her eyes and her dam was breaking down.

When she looked up she saw him, Natsu the one who hurt her, the one who saved her. But she didn't get it, she didn't get it at all. Why was he here? did he come back to hurt her?

"I don't understand!" Lucy cried out.

Natsu looks at her then embraces her and rubs circles in her back, but right then she was so confused that she just stood there dumbfounded and crying. And each tear flowed through the dirt embracing the sides of the cliff before jumping off. Drip. Drip. Drop. They fell screaming unchoherent words before falling into the rushing waters. To think that could've been her was too much and before she knew it she was hugging him back. Not hugging him back no she was holding onto him. Knowing that any second if she let go, then all would go back to normal. He would go back to being angry with her, and she would go back to her sleepless, sluggish form so she held onto him like he was her life line, because in all retrospects, he was her life line.

Every gasping breath she took was different for she never remembered a hug being like this. The ones she remembered were comforting and relaxing this was just a desperate hug, something that she will never have again.

"Luce... I'm so sorry... I don't know what is happening. I can't remember these past few months it's like-like I was never there a-and just now I appeared here and y-you were jumping. Oh Luce, who made you jump." Natsu closes his eyes and lays his head onto a sobbing Lucy.

Still holding onto Natsu Lucy cries louder, "You, Natsu, you made me jump."

"Oh Lucy I'm so sorry... I don't know what to do," Natsu growls, "what's happening? I can't remember anything. And... and Luce," he takes Lucy's tearful face in his hands, "you know I wouldn't purposely hurt you."

"Natsu," she heisitanly started off, "you don't understand what I've been through these past months. Y-you've hurt me in ways I never imagined and I told myself, if I continued to live I wouldn't forgive you," she looks away, a single tear running down her cheek, "I-I'm sorry."

"You're right Lucy I don't understand but I do know that whoever has been messing with our minds is about to go down!" He looks at Lucy hoping that cheered her up a bit, and it did because there she is with a sad smile on her cheeks and right there Natsu made a promise to himself that he would protect his Lucy from here on out and nothing could get in the way.

"Come on Luce, let's go and get you all cleaned up," wrapping his arm around her shoulders he leads her towards town, "Is you place fine?"

A silent no was heard by the slayer, "Oh, ok. Do you mind if I ask why?" Hoping that this wouldn't upset her.

"I couldn't pay my rent," she said unsurely.

"Umm, it's okay we'll just go back to my place," Scratching his head with the arm not around Lucy.

* * *

"Natsu, are you absolutely positive you don't remember anything about the past few months?"

"No, I swear Luce I can't remember anything, hell, I don't even know where Happy is. Happy! Lucy do you know where Happy is?" Natsu looks around frantically searching everywhere as if he'd be in a drawer.

"He's probably back at the guild."

"Oh ok... Do you maybe wanna head over there?"

"I can't Natsu, you know I can't the guild hurt me, anyways..." Lucy glances at the backside of her hand.

Natsu gasped, "Luce, you didn't!" giving off a hurt expression Lucy looks away.

"It couldn't be helped," her pink Fairytail mark was gone, and now it felt like there was always something missing. And each time she glanced at it she was reminded of how much it hurt to have it taken away.

"I'm sorry Lucy, but I have to go the guild, I need to know what's going on, and if nobody else can remember what was happening."

Lucy looks at him with watery eyes then leaps at him to hang onto him again, "You can't Natsu! I'm so scared that it will happen again, that you'll leave me and I'll be alone and everyone will hate me," she mumbles the last part through his shirt.

Natsu prys Lucy off his shirt and softly looks her in the eye, "Luce, you know I love you, and that I'll be back. Nobody will hate you. Nobody will leave you. I just need you to stay right here until I get back," rubbing her back he stands up straight, "You got it? I'm gonna be right back so don't go anywhere."

Lucy wipes her tears and nods as Natsu walked out the door. Then she goes to go sit in a corner. Wondering what would happen if he didn't come back, and she was once again left to go die.

* * *

Natsu walks through the forest to the guild wondering what could've possibly happened. What unfortunate events could have occurred to make Lucy this way. I'm just so happy that I was able to save her. I would never be able to live with myself if Lucy died right in front of me.

I open the guild doors instead of kicking them open and everything is chaos, people are running around everywhere.

"Oi, Mira, do you know what's going on?" Natsu yells at MiraJane who's across the hall talking to Master.

"Oh, Natsu, there you are! We've been looking for you and Lucy everywhere," Mira looks at Natsu expectantly, as if he could tell where Lucy was.

He walks towards Mira with a sad look in his eyes, "Mira, Master," he nods at him, "I've got to tell you something."

"What is it my child," he looks at Natsu with worry written in his eyes.

"I found Lucy earlier."

"Wonderful! Now where is she?"

"I found her jumping off a cliff," gasps were heard all around and all but one person was surprised. "She's still alive though," everyone sighed except for one, "I appeared right as she jumped off and was able to catch her just in time... and she told me stuff, stuff I regret. And stuff that we did to her. We hurt her. Especially me though, I hurt her to the point where she wanted to die. But I don't understand anything at all, it was like I just woke up on that cliff next to Lucy and I don't know how to explain it but I can't remember anything that happened the past few months," Natsu looks away, and everyone was looking at him gawking.

Master is intensely looking at Natsu, "Where is she now?"

"My house."

Mira was sobbing, Levy was on the brink of tears, and Wendy kept repeating 'oh Lucy.'

* * *

However someone in the guild was not sobbing or even remotely worried for Lucy but for herself.

'How is that possible? I clearly made it so no one would go back to normal until Lucy died. Ugh, what am I going to do? Ok calm down. Just, you know I'll have to use the spell again, and hopefully this time it'll work.'

Turning towards the backroom she calls out to Mira, "Mira I n-need to go to the bathroom for a bit," faking tears she heads to the backroom to cast her spell.

* * *

With that everyone was back to their terrible torturous ways out to hurt Lucy Heartfillia, the light of FairyTail, the burden of Team Natsu, the sweet girl who never tried to hurt anyone.

* * *

And there Lucy was still in that corner in Natsu's house still holding on to that hope he would come back.

And she waited.

And she waited.

And waited.

Until she finally realized he was gone again, and was never coming back.

So, she made her way to that terrible cliff and she sat there, still holding onto that sliver of hope that he would come, and he would hold her in his arms, and weep with her.

But I guess that she had finally accepted that fairytales wern't real because after days of waiting she took her hands and placed them by her side.

She once again remembered his loving words, and caring eyes that carried her too and fro, she remembered his warm embrace.

She remembered how she would dream about this perfect prince that would save her from danger that just always happened to strike. And the funny thing was, she lived that dream for a while. But she also remembered that at some point her dream would end. She also remembered how she wanted to die with a warm kiss and the most beautiful words ever, 'I love you.' But sadly some dreams don't come true.

"Say something."

Her tears dropped from her chin making a river into below. Embracing the sides of the cliff she felt like she could hear it falling. Drip. Drip. Drop. And she knew that any second that would be her.

With the last of her strength she pushed off.

"I'm giving up on you."

And right there it was like time slowed down, and all she could feel was deja vu. There Natsu stood wide eyed with his arm stretched out. His fingers brushed past hers, but she kept falling, and falling, and falling, and all she could feel was the wind, and all she could see, was his lips, and all she could hear was... "I love you."

Not being able to bear and see the end he closed his eyes and kept yelling out 'I love you!' He heard a sound, a terrible sound, and he felt as if that life just stopped for him. All his life he never thought he could accept it, and he knew he couldn't.

His heart was shattered. He flew his head back and screamed. The bitter grueling end, he tore out the grass, and jumped.

He knew that he would never be able to live with knowing he watched as his love died.

And so he died with her.

And that was the end.

Because Lucy should have known that cheating death can never happen again, and once it's over, that's it. Because life is no Fairy Tail.

* * *

 **Invincible, but Unloved**

I don't believe that people understand how I see things.

I mean I guess what I see is kind of confusing. It's almost as if I asked you to understand a criminals thoughts. What comes through my mind is colors, and I suppose that's where I should start.

The first thing I notice is the colors.

Then the people.

That's usually how I try to see things.

The key word being try.

 *****HERE'S A SMALL FACT*****

 **We all die at some point.**

I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find themselves hindered in believing me, no matter my protestations. Please trust me. I most definitely can be cheerful. I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to lie. Because in all perspectives I am just brutally honest.

 *****REACTION TO THE FACT FROM ABOVE*****

 **Does this worry you?**

 **I urge you-don't be afraid.**

 **I am nothing if not sincere.**

-Of course, an introduction. A beginning. Where are my manners?

I would love to introduce myself properly, but where's all the fun in that? You can trust that you will know me soon enough, depending on a diverse range of variables. I can just say that you will be in my arms and that there will not be one moment as grand as that.

But, the question is, what color will everything be when I find you. What will the sky be saying? Will the earth be trembling, for a release of their own, has left?

Personally, I like a blood covered sky. It signals that blackness will come soon. People say that both colors suit me, but I have to say I prefer red. I do however, enjoy every spectrum I see-the whole spectrum. The trillions of flavors out there. Just waiting for humans to notice their moments'. Though I really do enjoy to watch the sky. The colors all seeping together, forming one vast expanse that makes Mother Earth jealous. When I watch this glorious beauty I tend to let my thoughts flow in sinc with the setting sun, it helps, it truly does, to let yourself get lost in the moment. It helps lift the weight of your shoulders. It's always helped me relax.

 *****A SMALL THEORY*****

 **People observe the colors of a day only at its beginnings and ends, but to me it's quite clear that a day merges through a multitude of shades and intonations, with each passing moment. A single hour can consist of thousands of different colors. Waxy greens, to cloud-spat blues. Murky darknesses, in my line of work. And I make it a point to notice all of them.**

As I've been alluding to, my one saving grace is a distraction. All though it keeps me sane, while helping me cope. It is keeping me from performing my job from perfection. However, I continue my color process. In all points I'm miserable. The trouble is, who could ever replace me? Who could step in while I take a break in your stock-standard resort-style vacation destination, whether it be tropical or of the ski trip variety? The answer, of course, is nobody, which has made me make a conscious, deliberate decision-to make distraction. Needless to say, I vacation in colors. Losing myself in the abyss of their glory, and taking on that I will never get a full needless break.

Still, it's possible that you may be asking, why I need vacation? What do I need distraction from in the first place?

Which brings me to my next point.

It's the humans.

Some roll around in their lives through freedom, not bothering to stop. Not a glance to be spared. I hate them for that, but that's not what turns me around.

It's the ones who live in misery, and injustice that due them no part. I can't bare to look at them. Although, on many occasions I fail at this part. And I deliberately seek out the colors to keep my mind off them, but even now and then I witness the ones who are broken. The ones who have punctured hearts. The ones who have beaten lungs. The ones who continue to find the good in those who have broken them. And I hate them too. For hurting themselves, and attempting to find the good in those despicable humans.

It's just a small story really, a sad one though, and at times I thought of bringing those around to justice. But, that would only cause more hunger, in the eyes of the wolves.

And this is why I truly despise people who were once like me.

* * *

The first time I saw her she was in red. It was like a silk curtain, draped upon her small shoulder's, and when she looked up all I could see was the blackness that was dwelling there. But around her was a white. A blinding white.

And it felt as though the whole globe was dressed in snow. Like it was a cloth that it had pulled on, the way you might pull on a sweater. You can clearly see the footmarks from where she had run from. It started before the base of the hill, and ran all the way towards the town. The snow had fallen to her shins, and she was beginning to become one with the world. But she kept going, continued to go forth amoungst the cold, cold world.

The wind whipped around her stiff hair that was once the sun, but drew to the end somewhere in the long road of life.

Bringing her shaw forwards, perhaps she thought it would bring her warmth but when she attempted to reposition it, it got lost in the wind. She turned around reaching for it with frosted fingertips, but it was too late. She wondered if she let go then maybe she too would get lost in this swirling whirlwind as well.

As for me, I had already made the most elementary of mistakes. I can't explain to you the severity of my self-disappointmen. Originally, I'd done everything right, but it seemed I have a soft spot for some humans.

Gliding through the snow, I follow her as she continues to make her track towards the town. For whatever unknown reason she was still covered in crimson, though the snow had begun to cover it up. Her bare shoulders, pink from the icy snow, and her nose red.

Oh how it seemed like that beautiful color was hurting her. Though I take the souls I wish not to see the pain of it.

And in this, blinding, white snow she knelt down, her quaking breaths were uneven. Pressing her hands to her mouth, she sighs.

I continued to follow her waiting watching to see what would happen. I practically inhaled it, but still, I wavered. Yet my interest overcame my wellbeing and I will resign myself to stay as long as my schedule allows.

* * *

 **Kinda Random**

Dear Diary,

Am I in love? Is it consequently possible that I can fall in love with a man who teases and harasses me? No, surely not. that couldn't be right because the man I have fallen in love with... Is well... He's Laxus.

Could it be the mere thought of love is why I can't stand to be around him? Why I tremble, every time I see his beautiful stormy blue eyes.

Why is it me? Why do I have to contain all of these unsettling thoughts inside myself.

Why am I afraid of asking what has happened to him? What could have possibly brought him to the point of breaking like this?

Why? Why? Why?

The questions are the why, the how, the when. Why?

It's disturbing. I think about him at night, at day, I think of him when I wake up.

I ask myself, 'why do I want to know,' 'why do I ask why when I already know the answer.'

The answer is not because I need to know why, in fact I'm sure I would never need to know why for an absolute reason besides my curiosity. The unsettling thoughts that disturb my sleep that keep me tossing and turning every night, is simply because of my want. My curiosity, my desire to know everything about the world.

Every body wants something. Everybody loves something. Everybody cares for something. All of these things fall into the same category. No, I can not tell you what that category is, because I myself does not know what it is. I can ask, I can pretend, but I can't know.

Is it life, could this want be wanted enough to drive you through the course of humanity, can it make you live for that one thing? Do you wake up every morning thinking about that one person or item? Yes, it is possible but what always comes after life?

Death, death is the world's one true sorrow. The one thing possible that can bring out a rainbow of emotions in a person.

I know this because I had life once. I could wake up every morning to the smell of bacon, and the soothing voice of the one person who gave me true love, my mother. She gave me everything I thought I needed to survive.

This time wasn't real, and honestly it still isn't real. It was only an illusion. It was a fake, my life then, I didn't understand what was going on. I didn't know what was happening. Then it happened, the magic trick was over and the illusion was over, my life was over. The world came crashing down on me, bullets came flying at me from various places and each one penetrated my heart and I crumbled. So many people would stop, give their condolences but would never pick me back up. Even Father, but he was a different case, he changed, he changed so much it was scary.

But that's just it, that was life and after a while I knew I had to except it because life is death and thats just how life is. It's a crude game, life that is, and because of that I wonder if God loves me. I wonder if anybody loves me.

After life then death, after waiting months for someone to pick me back up, I was greeted with life again. Of course inside this life was death, and his name was Laxus. A sick boy that he was, but he knew I was hurting, and I knew he was hurting.

He brought me back from the grave, he picked me up and brought me back to humanity. For that I will be in his debt forever and whole-fully. Was it love? Maybe, but I know for certain that it can never be true love unless they love you back. And that was then, and this is now. Long ago I told myself I would never cry again because I knew that crying won't help me. But people can and out of the billions of the people in the world only one person did. Now I know that the question should never be was it love, but is it love?

* * *

OK that's all I have! Please comment, I love encouragement. Even if you didn't like all of them please still give me your feedback:)


End file.
